Be Watchful! The Lord of the Storms Is Near!

Wednesday after the Epiphany

January 7, 2015.

Mk 6:45-52

          The existence of God has never been a question for most of us, but there are times, God seems to be immeasurably distant and irritatingly silent. When we confront insurmountable problems in our lives, face disorientation, lose life’s meanings, God seems out of our coverage. Where is He when I need him most? Where is He when I get terribly sick and nobody seems to care? Where is He when I lose beloved members of my family? Where is He when my boyfriend breaks my heart down by going with another girl? Where is He when many people treat me so badly and make me a scapegoat for their own wrongdoings?

          I must confess that life as a religious brother does not make me bulletproof against these disoriented moments. Worse, it is practically heightened in my solitude and loneliness. There are times when I experience dryness and emptiness of meanings in my prayer. There are times when I feel that entering seminary and giving many privileges up are just nonsense and nothing but a greatest mistake I have made. There are times when I feel so lonely and need someone to be with, but nobody is simply there for me. Where is God in all these moments?

          Today’s Gospel gives us a hint. Jesus let the disciples experience a fierce storm, yet He was never far from them, watching and protecting them. Just like to the disciples, He allows us to feel loneliness, get disoriented and be lost, so that we may find Him again in more meaningful and vigorous encounter. He allows us to be alone in our own because like the Lord of the storms, he trusts us that we can survive and flourish in the midst of senseless sufferings. He leaves us so that we may find Him again, fresh and alive. What we need to do is be watchful, never loss hope, for His next return in our lives.

         I have given recollections and retreats to various schools and groups, listening to different persons with their unique problems and struggles. Some of them tell me that they no longer attend the mass or even pray. Why? The reason amazes me. It is not because the teachings of the Church like Dogma of Trinity or Mystery of Incarnation are too obscure for them, but because they no longer feel that the Lord is there when they need Him the most. God does not care, and why should I care for Him then?

          To avoid this worst scenario, we are reminded to be watchful and alert. God might come in the least way we expect and we might miss the whole point. He might come through simple person who is always there for us, through simple blessing we receive, or through this simple reflection. We are going to enter the ordinary season next Sunday. The ordinary season reminds us that Jesus, the savior of the world, is among us in the least expected way. When all disciples looked for Him, He appeared just like a ghost!

           Allow me once again to share how I encounter God in the least expected way. One Sunday, I attended a mass of Indonesian community in Manila, and I brought home some leftover food. My initial plan was to give it to my brothers in the community, but a second thought set in. I decided to give it to the security guards stationed in Sto. Domingo convent, knowing they need it more that the brothers. As expected, the guard expressed his gratitude upon receiving the food, but what surprised me most was when he said that he would share the limited food with the Sampaguita boys just outside the church. Being security guard in Metro Manila is the least job you should choose, but he in his poverty shares a little blessing he receives with the less fortune. I witness utter generosity and see God. He is onboard!

Ubi caritas et amor, Deus tibi est! Where there is charity and love, God is there also.

Br. Valentinus Bayuhadi Ruseno, OP