Marriage in Digital Generation

27^th Sunday in the Ordinary Time

October 4, 2015

Mark 10:2-16

We are living amidst the unimaginably sophisticated society with all its technological and scientific advancements. Yet, we remain grappling with the perennial problems of marriage and unable to be at peace with ourselves and our spouses. Marriages hit a bumpy road, and for some, it is a dead end. The spouses find their lives unhappy, unfulfilled and full of problems. At times, verbal, emotional and physical abuses are involved. Infidelity turns to be a great temptation even for the happiest couples. No wonder if husbands and wives finally seek separation, declaration of nullity, or divorce all together as a quick fix. Young people find marriage no longer relevant and prefer to live together with their partners without any permanent commitment. Some Christians choose a civil union, thinking that marriage in the Church comes with great hassle and financial burden.

It may be surprising, but I guess our digital mindset contributes also the rapture of our marriages. Pope Francis in his Apostolic Exhortation, Evangelii Gaudium, wrote, “Sometimes we are tempted to find excuses and complain, acting as if we could only be happy if a thousand conditions were met. To some extent this is because our 'technological society’ has succeeded in multiplying occasions of pleasure, yet has found it very difficult to engender joy (#7).” We instantly switch TV channels as soon as we feel bored. We are craving for ‘Likes’ and ‘good Comments’ in Facebook. ‘Friend and Unfriend’ become a new vocabulary. We are always in the race for the latest gadgets and throw away the outdated models despite the fact they are still functioning well.

Unconsciously, we swallow this mentality up. We make it part of our life system. Then, we apply it to more important matters in life. When the wife seems no longer attractive, infidelity seems to be tempting answer. When commitment looks like outdated and difficult thing, casual unions appear to be instant solution. When marriage does not work in the way we expect, divorce comes as a convenient fix. Fr. Manoj Rasanjana, OP, a Sri Lankan Dominican priest and also my friend, saw that this generation no longer knows how ‘to repair’ but only ‘to replace’: to replace boring TV channel, outdated cellular phone, annoying boyfriend and even old husband!

Jesus does not offer any instant solution to our marriage problems. In fact, He reaffirmed the indissolubility of marriage as the will of God. He was even criticizing the quick-fix attitude perpetrated by the Pharisees. Jesus seems rather cruel in the face of so many marital issues and problems of our times. Yet, Jesus knew that marriage and commitment call for radical choice to love, and as our Creator, He was fully aware that we are capable of this radical self-giving. We enter marriage not to produce countless occasions of pleasure, but to discover the true joy even underneath problems and sufferings. We are made not for temporal contracts, but lasting covenant.

Jesus thus, invites us to change our attitude and perspective in our lives and marriage, re-attuned with God’s will. And this begins with simple things. This means going against the culture of instant gratifications, and being critical with our technological mindset. It means making extra effort in building and staying in friendship, and do not rush things. It means enjoying what we have rather keep wanting the things we do not have. It means persevering in difficult yet meaningful works, and appreciating others who have contributed positively to our lives, no matter insignificant it may be. These may be little steps, but once perseverance and commitment have become our habits, the search for the utmost beauty of marriage and life will come spontaneously. Then, we realize Jesus is not mistaken to uphold the indissolubility of marriage.

We continue praying for couples still facing turmoil in their marriage lives.

Br. Valentinus Bayuhadi Ruseno, OP